Simple relations are good sometimes..many times ! Some buffer to the inevitable fuck i guess. I always tend to fall for the complicated ones though. It has served me good , fair even, but tires me these days. I wonder how would it be with a stable life. A fixed thing to look forward to while going back home. Some order in life. Falling a little off this randomness of everyday. But then, the moment I see some routine into things, I have seen myself running away from things . Probably I am commitment phobic ! Its not the mundane revival of things that comes with it that scares me, perhaps its the sincerity. The sweetness which goes into being perfectly happy with that routine and the utter innocence of revolving your world around that it.
I feel trapped with relationships, my system starts seeing it as a challenge to the protection i get in my own shell. Probably, its the failure which scares me. Both, of letting yourself fall for somebody and gathering yourself up again over the failure.And maybe stupidity mocks at my face at times. But somehow, I feel safe here. Alone at times. Lonely .But safe. Because this way, I don't belong to anybody. Maybe the complexities I put into my relationships make me feel protected .
Ironically, I wait for love to happen. It should happen someday. Not with a bang ,I will run back into my hollow at that very instance. Perhaps it will happen with hushed words , during the quiet hours of dawn, or the empty weekends or maybe in the winter of December or with the subtle warmth of early March.
Or while the evening hues spread themselves over me , on someday , of some month , of some year...